Hi everyone.
I've been having mixed feeling to different situations this whole week but one particular incident totally used up too much of my brain power. No, it's no math. It's that boy who asked me out. Ya know, that dating thing? Read this it you don't really understand what I mean: http://corran-number-one-fan-yeah.blogspot.com/2011/04/answer-is-evident-now.html
He hasn't given up it seems. Today he cried in class when I told him that it isn't good to think about me all the time everyday. Man, I don't want him to fail him exams. It'll become my fault.
Before I continue, I warn you that this is going to be a long, boring post about that crazy-in-love dude.
I just wish he'll didn't mention that he liked me this much. I want to be friends, like how we used to be. It's like we've gotten far apart. I cannot change what has happened but I wish he would stop fantasizing about all that crap (oops..) and look straight into my eyes and know that I do not love him. I know he reads my blog. I told almost all my friends my blog address because I trust them. May be I should explain here the kind of guy I'm still searching for in the world. Perhaps then he would finally understand me. So..
In Star Wars, there are characters on the good side that are so brave and strong mentally. It's like even when all hope is loss, they'll still pick up their lightsaber once more and keep on fighting for what they believe in. They never gave up. I'm sure Corran Horn would never ever give up. And all those X-Wing pilots in Rogue Squadron, they are risking their lives just so that the galaxy will be a better place one day. They take responsibility for their actions and are reliable. And they never abandon their comrades. It's their strong determination and fiery passion for what they believe in that I like in a person.
I know that that guy is autistic. I know I'm not treating him fairly by saying "No.". But I have a life too. I'm no longer that loser two years ago who always gets bullied and teased in school for being a geek. Ever since I picked up a Star Wars book and took it with me wherever I went (especially in school), people treated me like an equal. And I learnt so much about life from Star Wars books and the mature-ness of the characters. People really changed their opinion about me ever since. And they stopped caring about how badly I suck at PE and how I always cause my team to lose in Sport Carnivals. Plus, I fully let my geek side out without worries then. I also did well in school and all and people around me respected me.
Ya know, I'm sacrificing that reputation by hanging around an autistic kid. And he's a high functioning!! (That means he is quite normal still. The autism is not so severe in his case). But I've seen high functioning autistic people who behave better than him. So I can safely conclude that his autism probably lies between high and low functioning. May be in the middle. Why can't he just understand me.
I'm looking for someone like Corran Horn or Luke Skywalker!!! One more thing, I think he changed his ambition to please me but this is going to far. He said he wants to become a pilot now.. WHAT?!?!?!!! Yes, I have an obsession in fighter pilots, okay. It's because they are so brave and skilled and everything. (There goes my secret..) Like why, why, WHY?!! (Sorry yall, I'm going a little crazy already.)
Any way, I referred him to a counsellor to help him cope with unattainable love. Shhheeesh, his REALLY not my type. And when he cried, my classmates were blaming me for causing it. There goes my reputation points... Sigh, I took so long to reach such a high point and still stay a geek at the same time. (I told you I'm geeky, I count my reputation in numbers..) They blame me not only in school but also on Facebook. That means Batuhan, my Star Wars best friend from Turkey and my mum and see it!! WHY........ I'll just have to build up my reputation all over again. I know I'll get there some day.
Done. I said it. I can't bottle it up for a week. Any longer and I will explode which could cause dire consequences.
Now for other news.
A dog got knocked down by a taxi outside my school yesterday. My friend, 'Lala' told me that and she also said that her friends went to help take care of the dog and took the dog to a vet with help from a stranger. I hope the dog gets well. Pray people, pray!! It was bleeding badly, or so I hear.
I got a 14/15 for my Principles of Accounts Class Test!! Wooo hooooooooooooo~!!!!!! Yeah!!! GEEKS RULE! YES, THEY DO!! Especially Star Wars geeks, Star Wars geeks are tha best!!!!
I've got a whole week of tests next week so I'll probably post one more time tomorrow or later today and only come back next Saturday.
My Chemistry teacher put up a chart on her notice board in our science lab recently to indicate how well we are doing. She wrote our names and used colourful markers to shade into the correct section colours ranging from red to green (and blue, I think). Red is the worst and Blue/Green is the best. I've got autumn leaves. (I got only yellows and reds and oranges..) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...... Noooooooo..... Mesa is terribly disappointed. I put in a lot of effort for every assignment... I did. I did them to 2am almost all the time but I still fail all of 'em. I think I'm just not good at Chemistry. Any way, my school made it compulsory to learn it so I'm got no choice in that matter. I'm probably going to try and use my Physics marks to pass my Science exams. I love Physics and I don't know why. Hahahaa.. LOL.
Omg.. It's 2am already. I think I should go now. But before I do, I would like to ask yall something!!
I wrote my first Fanfic!!! (It's incredibly short, but nonetheless a fanfic.) And it's a Oban Star Racers fanfic!!! (Hears cricket sounds... Aww.. It's still Sci-Fi.)
Do yall want to see it????
I also did a drawing in my free period in school!
Want to see my drawing too???
I got a 24/30 for my school essay!! Same marks as 'Dust',the best writer in the school!! (At lonnnng last. Finally!!!!)
Want to read it???
Tell me in the comments below!!!!!! To all my followers and awesome Internet friends and cool Lakehouse sisters, Y'ALL ARE THE BEST IN THE WORLD BECAUSE YOU AIN'T BLAMING ME FOR NOTHIN'!!! (I did not make him cry.. Honest. I will never hurt people with people needs. Never ever. I care for them and I treat them like one of us. They are special and brilliantly talented people. Believe me, yea?)
Comment please!! <3 y'all!
Rogue Eleven out!
Yo Jaina :3. Like I've said before, I'll support you and uhm, I don't really think that it's your fault that you made him cry because I guess that both parties would have to agree and have the same feelings they have for each other before dating so it isn't really your fault because you just said what you felt. Gratz for getting so high on your POA test 8DDD. Any chances that you could teach me?
ReplyDeleteP.S: About the reputation thing, I think you'd better leave it aside for awhile and just sort this thing with the guy out first, and then you can clear your reputation later >_<"
Hey Andriee! I have the same thing with reputation. I tend to worry about my reputation to the point of vanity. I had to learn to kind of let go. If you're doing what's right, you don't have to worry about whatever people think. I think you did the right thing by explaining things to him nicely. You don't need to worry about what people think cause people's opinions change like lightning and you'll just stress yourself out over it. Besides, we all know you're awesome. ;) And I totally want to see your fanfic/art!
ReplyDeleteOh Andriee!! I'm prayin for you girl!!! :D I can see how tough it would be with your reputation and this boy who doesn't take no for an answer. I'm sure you didn't make him cry. If he's autistic, I can understand how hard that can be, because I help two autistic twins in a dance class. Of course, they're little, but I also take a class with a girl who's autistic. It's not easy, but keep being kind to him, and help him understand that you aren't his type, and that you're frankly too young to be concerned about serious relationships anyway. Let God guide your heart, and I hope it all works out!!!! I'd love to see your art and your fanfic!!!!!!! :D
ReplyDeleteLots of Love,
Jedi~Chick <33
maybe he wanted to be a pilot since he was primary sch and knows more real life airplanes than you because of that and goes for air force shows yearly (maybe not this year) before he even met ya
ReplyDeleteand maybe he is scraed that his friendship with you is destrycting thats why he cant risk to cause you further anger thus he cried when he made you angry
ReplyDeleteLike everyone else has said, it's NOT your fault. A relationship can't work out if both parties haven't agreed. And, you haven't. I say, don't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for you!
I would love to see your fan art!
To Amanda: Thanks for the advice. Man, you sure are lucky that no guy is clinging on to ya everyday in school (Or is there? I hope not..).
ReplyDeleteTo Amaranthine: Thanks. Yea.. I should let go (It's kinda hard to.)and I believe Master Yoda said the same thing to Anakin Skywalker about letting go on losing Padme (I think).
To Jedi~Chick: Thanks for praying. And wow, you know autistic kids too. I think people with autism are nice and innocent the only problem is that they don't really know how to express themselves well (from my point of view..). Thanks again!!
To Joshua: Possibly..
To Endor: Thanks for praying. And yeah, I shouldn't worry too much.
P.S. I forgot to be specific about what drawing I did. Sorry. It's not fanart this time because I could think of new fanart to draw lately. I'll have a fanart done by Saturday, though! Thanks everyone! Yall are the best!