I don't know if my decision was the right thing but I followed my heart and trusted it. I told him, the guy who liked me that I'll not ready for something so big and adventurous. I know I shouldn't have said that but I need to state my point if I want us to continue begin friends. Like I said, I trusted my instincts. I don't know where they'll take me but I know that they'll guide me to where I wanna be.
I turned out that I'm not the first girl he liked. The first girl he fell in love with couldn't accept him (if I'm not wrong) and I'm the second one. I know. To many people, who are merely onlookers, might feel that I did wrong and that I should accept his request and give him a chance. But this is about me too and I hae my own set of reasons.
I'm currently very focused on my ambitions and schoolwork and I like it that way. I think love is a form of mist over your eyes, something that makes you hallucinate, I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. I don't want to risk the chamce of being blinded by love that my manga-style will become affected and such.
I draw from my heart. I feel every art work I do, no matter how ugly it is. What I draw usually reflects my personality and my childish wonder to things that my classmates won't give a thought about. But I like it that way. I think it gives a unique perspective to the way I exhibit my inner thoughts about the world around me. (I'm not praising myself. This is what my mum says about my art.)
So, _ _ _ _ _ _ I'm sorry but now is not the time. I'm not yet where I wanna be and there is many things that I treasure and believe are personally more important to me. I hope he understands.
I'll continue helping him cope with daily life (he has special needs) and I'll be there as a good friend, whenever he needs me.
That's it for today. I'll do a proper post on Saturday. And I might draw new fanart for y'all too.
Rogue Eleven out.
P.S. I tied my hair like Yuki's from Space Battleship Yamato movie version(the movie I got so obsessed with in some previous post), not the 1970s cartoon version!! Yuki rules!! She is such a brave and strong character! Gotta like Yuki, people!!